Pray this doesn't happen to you

Way to GO!

I though a little success story would keep us all motivated these last few days.  Bet he never thought that his skinny picture would look so good!  Too bad he ate his right nipple in his sleep. 

Male Bulimia

This was a GREAT article.  So many good tips and I found the photos to be very motivating.

Shave pounds off, shave those feet

Idea: head to the pedicurist, grab a razor and have your Vietnamese frienemy go to town on those feet.  I lost 1lb 6 oz just from exfoliating dead heal skin.  And since long toe nails are out this season, try going short and you may knock off a couple of more lb's. 


Check out my feet before and after!

and now....

Thank God, a diet we can stick to in Harbour

I called ahead and notified the bar staff to have those Martini glasses ready.

Take this now!

Ill give you the anibiotics to cure when you get to Harbour.

Stepping up the diet. Three ticks up my sleeve....

Here are 3 ways I am stepping up the diet.


1. Pad lock the fridge.  Who cares if you spent $5000 on a sub-zero.  Slam that shut!!!!

2. Electro shock thearapy  (kinda messes up the hair, but worth it )

3. Face mask and strait jacket.  I had mine made by the same craftsmen who make Hermes bridels using the best leathers and canvas.  A little tricky to wear at work, but can easily be consealed with a scarf

No those aren't tatas!

Shay signing on.....
Now if this won't get you to the gym...just say no to back fat!

Miss Nasty

Ok, peeps, there is essentially one week left so I thought there should be some tough love.  Nothing makes me want to staple my mouth shut like an image of Janet, FAT, jogging on the beach.  No packing sweats for Harbour, even preppy ones with anchors.  I have to stop typing, I only had 67 calories today.

Remember Me? Susan Powter, diet expert

I thought I should do some legit research on weight loss.  So went to the local Christian Science Reading Room to do my homework.  They had no books on dieting, to be honest I forgot, all religious zelots are fat. But I did run into the one and only Susan Powter!  Yes you read right, she is now a librarian and weighs 450 pounds.  My point is, running into her made me remember what an amazing motivator Susan was.  So I dug up some of her infomertials and even got a copy of her book from the homless lady who sells crap on 7th ave.  Let me tell you there is nothing that helps you loose weight like screaming lesbians.  STOP THE INSANITY

My Favorite is her video: Trailer Park Yoga.

Rib Removal Sugery

I learned another procedure. Rib Removal Surgey is easy to do simultaniously with gastric bypass. (I think Matty may have already had this....SHHH! ) Get your shape Janet Jackson style.

Take a hand full of these every day....

and youre sure to drop some poundage and be beach ready!

click here to purchase!

Motivation to keep that trap shut...

No one wants to be a Jessica Simpson: No Nick, No Reality Show, No waist

And K-fed, is more like over feed.  As if that Yellow Moo-Moo untucked hides the problem!

Sunsceen/Fat Melter

Run, dont walk, to Bliss for this sunscreen with fat melting solar activated slender spheres.  Need I say more?

Jump Suits That makes you loose weight!

For the fellas

For the ladies

Made of heat retaining PVC, these suits will not only keep you styling, you will be melting away.  Stand next to the oven while the turkey is cooking for additional convection activity.  You may have a little swamp ass, but no fat ass!

Happy Thanksgiving!  DONT EAT

A Tribute to the King of Fitness!

Nobody knows how to motivate fat people (and take their money) like Richard Simmons. 

Caffein Tights: Starbucks Gone Bananas!

We can all related to getting the Starbucks Triple Red Eye 3-4 times a day to induce a healthy laxitive effect. I can barely make it home before I am dumping several pounds.    Now you can wear your caffein.  Slip on these tights made of coffee beans and body heat releases caffeine microcapsules into the leg, thus promoting the metabolism to kick in and start burning the fat.

I am wearing them now, they feel sexy and are a great nude color so no one can tell. Look how hot!

My new favorite diet food!

Don't be like Jake a statistic

Rock House Beach

Harbour Beach

Harbour Island Map

View Larger Map

Can I just say something?

Fabulous ankle weights ala Gucci

I know that there is not enough time in the day to work out, so I have the perfect solution for you.  GUCCI ankle weights.  Imagine working out and serving up some serious fashion.  But don't be fooled, these bad boys are not just for the gym, these are fashionable enough to wear to the office.  I have mine on over my pants.  They come in black too, for those more formal events.  I would suggest that if you are serious about dropping some poundage on the few remaining days before Harbour, start with the 35 kilo weights for each leg. 

Of a special note I have cleared with security at Conde about using the emergency exits to get in more cardio.  So strap on some Gucci weights and see you in the stairwells!

Best diet doctor in NYC....

Looking for B-12 injections and somewhat controversial diet pills? Go to the Dr. that everyone at conde nast uses - Dr. Levine!

Dr. Levine


RS Levine MD

146 E. 62nd Street, 4th Floor

212.593.2727

Guaranteed to get you down to fighting weight in no time!

Thin Red-Heads

Scott B here - had to be sure my people were represented in a better light since Carrott Top was turning stomachs.  Talk about a role model for red-heads everywhere.

Hurry, you still have time for Gastric Bypass!

So as you New Yorkers may have noticed, I was no where to be found this weekend, since I had to work overnight in the ER both Saturday and Sunday.  So between crazy pill addicts and disgusting vag exams I did save a few lives.  During my down time though, I read up on gastric bypass so that I could offer my services free of charge.  I feel good about operating now that I got to practice on the old lady who died and her cats ate her toes.  I know what you are thinking, no way, no surgery, there will be scars.  But rest assured, I learned how to do the procedure thru the rectum, so no worries bout seeing unsightly wounds when in your swim suit.   You could loose 30 pounds by Dec 10th.  And, after gastric bypass surgery you absorb alcohol much quicker.  Imagine how slammed you will get  in Harbour while looking  emaciated like Starr Jones or Al Roker. (and hopefully as tan as them)

I should be good to operate tonight after cocktails at the Rusty Knot.  Text me!

-Jake

Maybe this is the blog for you:

http://www.fatbloggers.net/

I am not getting alot of support from you peeps so I assume that you are off the wagon, and suggest that you get on that FAT BLOG.  No posts, no comments, only 2  subscribers.   Sad skinny clown face!

(just a little reverse psychology to get you all in gear, thin and gorgeous)

-Jake

Underware that makes me not want to eat

Check out this bad brief packaging

What are you doing this weekend?

 

I'm doing the half marathon this weekend in Philly.  What are you doing this weekend? Boozing and cruising? CALORIES

Kate Moss has some words of advice....

Brian Atwood here pitching in on the diet blog:

Kate was recently quoted as saying:

"Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels,"

Supermodel and truth-speaker!

Read all about it on OMG! (one of my favorite sites :)

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/kate-moss-slammed-for-skinny-comments/309

Recipie Idea

I am a huge advocate of Tic Tacs as meal replacements.  ( Just had half of one for breakfast) However, sometimes you need a little splurge.  So I thought I would share this recipe idea for you all who insist on dessert this Thanksgiving.  Just keep those portions tiny!

TicTac™ Pie
Ingredients:

• 1 graham cracker pie crust
• 2 8 ounce packages of cream cheese - softened
• 2 eggs
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon peel
• 4 boxes of orange TicTac™ candies

Preheat oven to 350. Beat cream cheese slightly. Add eggs, sugar, vanilla, and lemon peel. Beat the mixture until it is light and fluffy. Add TicTac™ candies and mix lightly. Pour into crust. Bake until firm, about 25 minutes. Sprinkle TicTac™ candies over the pie and allow it to cool. Refrigerate at least 8 hours.

When i want to feel skinny....

I sit next to the fat girl on the bus.  Who is going to be that person in Harbour?

A great Bulimia Resourse

I wanted to share this link, "Pro-Bulimia Resource".   Lots to read hear, so a perfect way to start your day of dieting.  Only 20 more left!

http://www21.brinkster.com/songsheet/bulimiatipstricks.html

Lots of great tips like:

If throwing up is hard for you use a tooth brush (not the side with the brush) and drink lots of fluids before 


 


 

I want to be the girl in the middle!

A little picture to help curb those late night raids on the fridge. 

Best New Diet

I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.

No Time for Quitters!

Thin & Gorgeous

I love this Chanel Swim Suit for Harbour

Does this make her look fat?

-Jake

I'm a little bit country

Hey it's Brent Poer, guest blogging with a special tip.

I'm a little bit country (being from The South) and we take our eating disorders seriously. No prescriptions from doctors. None of this bullshit called "self-restraint". I mean, we are a portion of the country that believes in fried food and binge drinking.

Here's our secret:

1) Eat all you want
2) Drink your face off
3) Eat several squares of this before bed time

You will be as clean as a whistle by morning time and thin as a rail by the weekend. You may need rubber sheets because of a little late night seepage (depends on how wasted you get from all that beer) and you may have to have your plumbing replaced but...

YOU'LL BE SKINNY.

Head on down to Wal-Greens and fill up a shopping cart.

Taste like chocolate!!!!!

A little helper...

I think that these look super comfy and could really be unisex. 

-Jake

My Favorite Work Out Song

You need to have good tunes to work our too.  This one is so catchy and makes me kinda sick so there is less tempation at the sack bar.
-Jake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJsQcnB6GC0

Alternatives to the Gym

Found these little pearls of dieters wisdom while surfing that glorious world wide web...Didn't want to keep it all to myself and thought only appropriate to share as I can't really expect everyone to Google   "How the fuck do I undo 35 yrs of excessive drinking, eating, partying, and self loathing while in a cab ride cross town during rush hour"


The Chewing Diet
The chewing diet was popularized in the Edwardian Era by Horace Fletcher. He believed that chewing allowed food to be properly absorbed into the body. Insufficient chewing would lead to constipation and clog up the digestive tract, said Fletcher. He lost 40 pounds in just four months using the diet he created. Dr. Kellogg was a friend and fan of Fletcher and he required patients at his sanatorium to participate in the chewing diet as well as a variety of other weight loss methods.

To properly implement the chewing diet, a person must chew each bite over 32 times, which takes approximately 30 seconds. After chewing is done, the person then tilts his or her head back and allows the food to trickle down their throat. Anything that is still too big to swallow must be spit out. The desire to eat things likely diminishes after a period on this diet, so it does work as you begin to eat less food.
 Possible Side Effects May Include: A sore jaw. Much longer meal times. Annoyed and disgusted friends.
_________________________________________________________________________________Ear Stapling

Ear stapling is exactly what its name implies, you pierce the cartilage of your inner ear and it supposedly suppresses your appetite. You can only leave it in for six weeks to three months because once your body gets used to the staple it will lose its effectiveness. While many people claim this weight loss method is highly effective, even its proponents can’t agree why. The most common explanation involves the piercing’s similarity to acupuncture.
Ear stapling is illegal in Florida and other states have regulated the practice to help decrease the number of infections it has caused.
Possible Side Effects May Include: Well, for one, you will have a staple in your ear, which may be a little painful. Secondly, you could get an infection, which could make you severely sick. Also, it is possible to receive nerve damage when the procedure is preformed improperly.
_________________________________________________________________________________

The Cotton Ball Diet


The cotton ball diet is exactly what it sounds like, you eat cotton balls. Some people eat them dry and others soak them in gelatin first. Obviously the idea is that cotton balls are low in calories but very filling, so you won’t want to eat anything that is fattening. The cotton balls are also high in fiber, which is thought to be good for you –until you realize it’s not the kind of fiber you need in your diet.
Possible Side Effects May Include: Exceptionally boring, dry and disgusting meals. A lack of needed vitamins and other nutrients. Major digestive problems.
__________________________________________________________________________________

The Tapeworm Diet


If you eat for two and aren’t pregnant, maybe it’s time to get a second mouth in your belly. A tapeworm can sure help eat all of that excess food. Around the turn of the century, these little parasites were sold in a simple pill form claiming to help you shed inches from your waist. It’s uncertain whether these pills actually had live tapeworms or if they were just another “snake oil” product, but what is certain is that people have intentionally used tapeworms as a weight loss method. Jockeys are amongst the many people purported to have used tapeworms as a diet.
Possible Side Effects May Include: Well for one, having a worm inside your stomach, which might cause nausea, headaches, infections and diarrhea. Some people’s organs are blocked by the eggs and this can result in death. There is no evidence that tapeworms actually help people lose much of weight, so the whole experience may be for nothing.
__________________________________________________________________________________

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE


The Sleeping Beauty Diet


You can’t eat while you sleep. So naturally, if you sedate yourself for days and neglect to eat as a result, this starvation diet may actually work for you. Elvis was a proponent of this weight loss method around the end of his life and the dieting method was also made popular in Valley of the Dolls.
Possible Side Effects May Include: A severe pill hangover can leave you with a headache, nausea and fatigue. Additionally, improper sedation might actually kill you and so might starvation.

The Carrot Diet

Here are two images to help you manage cravings:


I suggest this as a healthy alternative to those dirty dogs you keep stuffing your face with at lunch:

And nothing like a pic of Carrot Top to curb those cravings!