Remember Me? Susan Powter, diet expert

I thought I should do some legit research on weight loss.  So went to the local Christian Science Reading Room to do my homework.  They had no books on dieting, to be honest I forgot, all religious zelots are fat. But I did run into the one and only Susan Powter!  Yes you read right, she is now a librarian and weighs 450 pounds.  My point is, running into her made me remember what an amazing motivator Susan was.  So I dug up some of her infomertials and even got a copy of her book from the homless lady who sells crap on 7th ave.  Let me tell you there is nothing that helps you loose weight like screaming lesbians.  STOP THE INSANITY

My Favorite is her video: Trailer Park Yoga.

Rib Removal Sugery

I learned another procedure. Rib Removal Surgey is easy to do simultaniously with gastric bypass. (I think Matty may have already had this....SHHH! ) Get your shape Janet Jackson style.

Take a hand full of these every day....

and youre sure to drop some poundage and be beach ready!

click here to purchase!

Motivation to keep that trap shut...

No one wants to be a Jessica Simpson: No Nick, No Reality Show, No waist

And K-fed, is more like over feed.  As if that Yellow Moo-Moo untucked hides the problem!

Sunsceen/Fat Melter

Run, dont walk, to Bliss for this sunscreen with fat melting solar activated slender spheres.  Need I say more?

Jump Suits That makes you loose weight!

For the fellas

For the ladies

Made of heat retaining PVC, these suits will not only keep you styling, you will be melting away.  Stand next to the oven while the turkey is cooking for additional convection activity.  You may have a little swamp ass, but no fat ass!

Happy Thanksgiving!  DONT EAT

A Tribute to the King of Fitness!

Nobody knows how to motivate fat people (and take their money) like Richard Simmons. 

Caffein Tights: Starbucks Gone Bananas!

We can all related to getting the Starbucks Triple Red Eye 3-4 times a day to induce a healthy laxitive effect. I can barely make it home before I am dumping several pounds.    Now you can wear your caffein.  Slip on these tights made of coffee beans and body heat releases caffeine microcapsules into the leg, thus promoting the metabolism to kick in and start burning the fat.

I am wearing them now, they feel sexy and are a great nude color so no one can tell. Look how hot!

My new favorite diet food!

Don't be like Jake a statistic

Rock House Beach

Harbour Beach

Harbour Island Map

View Larger Map

Can I just say something?

Fabulous ankle weights ala Gucci

I know that there is not enough time in the day to work out, so I have the perfect solution for you.  GUCCI ankle weights.  Imagine working out and serving up some serious fashion.  But don't be fooled, these bad boys are not just for the gym, these are fashionable enough to wear to the office.  I have mine on over my pants.  They come in black too, for those more formal events.  I would suggest that if you are serious about dropping some poundage on the few remaining days before Harbour, start with the 35 kilo weights for each leg. 

Of a special note I have cleared with security at Conde about using the emergency exits to get in more cardio.  So strap on some Gucci weights and see you in the stairwells!

Best diet doctor in NYC....

Looking for B-12 injections and somewhat controversial diet pills? Go to the Dr. that everyone at conde nast uses - Dr. Levine!

Dr. Levine


RS Levine MD

146 E. 62nd Street, 4th Floor

212.593.2727

Guaranteed to get you down to fighting weight in no time!

Thin Red-Heads

Scott B here - had to be sure my people were represented in a better light since Carrott Top was turning stomachs.  Talk about a role model for red-heads everywhere.

Hurry, you still have time for Gastric Bypass!

So as you New Yorkers may have noticed, I was no where to be found this weekend, since I had to work overnight in the ER both Saturday and Sunday.  So between crazy pill addicts and disgusting vag exams I did save a few lives.  During my down time though, I read up on gastric bypass so that I could offer my services free of charge.  I feel good about operating now that I got to practice on the old lady who died and her cats ate her toes.  I know what you are thinking, no way, no surgery, there will be scars.  But rest assured, I learned how to do the procedure thru the rectum, so no worries bout seeing unsightly wounds when in your swim suit.   You could loose 30 pounds by Dec 10th.  And, after gastric bypass surgery you absorb alcohol much quicker.  Imagine how slammed you will get  in Harbour while looking  emaciated like Starr Jones or Al Roker. (and hopefully as tan as them)

I should be good to operate tonight after cocktails at the Rusty Knot.  Text me!

-Jake

Maybe this is the blog for you:

http://www.fatbloggers.net/

I am not getting alot of support from you peeps so I assume that you are off the wagon, and suggest that you get on that FAT BLOG.  No posts, no comments, only 2  subscribers.   Sad skinny clown face!

(just a little reverse psychology to get you all in gear, thin and gorgeous)

-Jake

Underware that makes me not want to eat

Check out this bad brief packaging